Life can be tricky, right? Sometimes, without even realizing it, we do things that mess with our own emotional health. How often do we say, “I’m fine,” when we’re anything but? How frequently do we prioritize others’ needs over our own, sacrificing our emotional well-being in the process? These are the questions that Give an Hour’s new tool, the Silent Six: When Signs Speak Louder than Words, seeks to answer. It’s all about spotting those sneaky behaviors that throw us off track. Let’s break them down.
Filtering
You know when someone asks how you’re doing, and you say “I’m fine” even though you’re really not? That’s filtering. It’s like putting a filter on our true feelings, so we don’t have to deal with them. But pretending everything’s okay doesn’t make the problems disappear.
In various life scenarios, individuals often engage in filtering, concealing their true emotions to navigate challenging situations. For instance, after experiencing a personal loss, individuals might reassure loved ones that they’re “doing okay” to shield them from worry or to sidestep discussions about their grief. Similarly, in romantic relationships, partners might downplay feelings of unhappiness to avoid conflict or the potential for a breakup, repeatedly affirming that everything is “fine” despite underlying issues. Among adolescents, the pressure to appear resilient and independent can lead them to dismiss feelings of depression or anxiety, fearing they won’t be understood or taken seriously by parents or teachers. These examples underscore how filtering behaviors serve as protective mechanisms, albeit at the expense of authentic emotional expression and potentially exacerbating mental health challenges.
People Pleasing
Ever found yourself saying ‘yes’ to things you don’t want to do, just to make someone else happy? That’s people pleasing. We end up bending over backward for others, forgetting about our own needs in the process.
These examples shed light on the subtle yet pervasive behaviors associated with people-pleasing tendencies, where individuals prioritize others’ needs over their own well-being. From struggling to say “no” even when already overwhelmed, to constantly seeking validation and approval from others, these patterns paint a picture of individuals who go to great lengths to maintain harmony in their relationships. They might go out of their way to avoid conflict or confrontation, fearing it might disrupt the peace. Additionally, feeling responsible for others’ happiness can lead to a constant sense of duty to ensure everyone else is content, often at the expense of one’s own emotional health. Over commitment becomes the norm, with individuals finding themselves overbooked and stretched thin due to an inability to decline requests. Moreover, settling for others’ decisions or giving in to their demands becomes a recurring theme, eroding personal boundaries and autonomy. These behaviors, while seemingly aimed at fostering positive relationships, can ultimately lead to burnout, resentment, and a loss of self. Learning to set boundaries, prioritize self-care, and communicate assertively are essential steps towards breaking free from the people-pleasing cycle and reclaiming agency in one’s life.
Glossing (Toxic Positivity)
It’s great to look on the bright side, but sometimes we take it too far. Glossing, or toxic positivity, is when we slap a happy sticker on everything, even when things really suck. But ignoring our real feelings doesn’t make them go away.
These examples illuminate the subtle yet detrimental behaviors associated with glossing, or toxic positivity, where individuals use optimism to dismiss real emotional struggles. Whether it’s brushing off someone’s pain with clichés like “it could be worse” or minimizing their experiences with “feel good” quotes, glossing downplays the significance of genuine emotions. This tendency extends to our own experiences as well, where we suppress our emotions to “just get on with it” or feel guilty about experiencing anything other than positivity. We may even hide or mask our true feelings, fearing judgment or rejection. In interactions with others, glossing often manifests as providing unsolicited advice instead of validating their feelings or shaming them for not being positive enough. These behaviors, though well-intentioned, invalidate genuine emotions and hinder authentic connection and healing. Recognizing and addressing glossing tendencies is essential for fostering empathy, understanding, and genuine support in both ourselves and others.
Fixating
Ever get completely lost in a hobby or binge-watch TV at the expense of other responsibilities in order to avoid dealing with stuff? That’s fixating. We dive into distractions to escape our problems, but they’re still waiting for us when we come back.
These examples shed light on the behavior of fixating, where individuals turn to specific activities or maybe even substances as a means to avoid confronting underlying issues or negative emotions. Whether it’s spending endless hours on social media platforms like TikTok, indulging in what’s commonly known as “doom scrolling,” to distract from personal problems, or seeking solace in retail therapy by compulsively shopping to alleviate stress, fixating behaviors can lead to harmful consequences. Similarly, turning to substances like alcohol or drugs as an escape from reality can create a dangerous cycle of dependency. Food can also become a coping mechanism, with individuals seeking comfort in overeating or indulging in unhealthy foods to soothe emotional distress. These fixating behaviors provide temporary relief but ultimately serve as a barrier to addressing and resolving the root causes of emotional challenges. Recognizing the patterns of fixation is crucial in order to seek healthier coping mechanisms and address underlying issues in a constructive manner.
Ghosting
You might have heard of ghosting in the dating world, but it happens in friendships too. It’s when we suddenly disappear without a word, instead of facing a tough conversation. But ghosting just leaves everyone feeling confused and hurt.
Ghosting, the modern-day disappearing act, manifests in various ways that leave individuals feeling puzzled and hurt. From the abrupt cessation of communication without explanation to the silent treatment of unanswered messages, ghosting creates a void of uncertainty and confusion in relationships. Avoidance of plans and last-minute cancellations further deepen the sense of rejection, leaving the other person questioning what went wrong. Disappearing from social media adds another layer of finality, as individuals may find themselves blocked or deleted from platforms without any closure. These actions, while seemingly easier than facing confrontation or uncomfortable conversations, inflict emotional wounds and erode trust in relationships. Recognizing the impact of ghosting and fostering open communication are essential steps toward healthier, more respectful interactions that honor the dignity of all parties involved.
Rotting
Ever spent a whole day in bed because you just couldn’t face the world? That’s rotting. We feel like we’re stuck in a rut, with no energy to do anything. But staying in bed all day just makes us feel worse.
Rotting, a term that paints a vivid picture of stagnation and decline, encompasses a range of symptoms that signal a decline in both mental and physical well-being. From the persistent feeling of fatigue and exhaustion, leaving individuals drained of energy even after a full night’s sleep, to the sensation of being perpetually “under the weather,” as if constantly fighting off an unseen illness, these signs speak volumes about the toll taken on one’s vitality. Body aches, seemingly without a clear physical cause, add to the sense of malaise, leaving individuals feeling physically uncomfortable and emotionally drained. The desire for isolation further compounds the issue, as individuals withdraw from social interactions and prefer solitude, spending excessive time alone. These symptoms of rotting, though insidious, serve as red flags signaling a need for intervention and self-care. Recognizing these signs and seeking support are vital steps toward reversing the downward spiral and reclaiming a sense of vitality and well-being.
So What Now…
Learning and recognizing these Silent Signs is the first step. It’s crucial to reflect on our own behaviors and identify if any of these sneaky behaviors are lurking in our own lives. If we spot any, it’s time to consider making changes to prioritize our emotional well-being.
But let’s not stop there. If we notice a friend exhibiting any of these signs, it’s important to reach out and offer support. Sometimes, a simple conversation can make a world of difference. We can be the lifeline they need to navigate through tough times.
And hey, if you’re feeling inspired to take it further, why not become a wellness ambassador? By staying informed about all of Give an Hour’s latest tools and resources, you can empower yourself and others to live healthier, happier lives.
